I'm Here..Barely!

...I honestly can't believe it's been over a year since my last blog post.  At this rate, I'll blog for 1 year, then not blog for a year, then blog again another year.

I really want to have something that I can look through to remember where I've been or what I've done, and this blog has previously offered me that opportunity.

So, even if no one ever reads this, at least I will have it to look back on...

For now, I'm gonna just say I've been busy for the last year...but, it's a good kind of busy.  Kids, work, married life.  Gosh, in a year, I've become a wife.  Wow!

Well, back to reality...I've got a database launching for work in less than 5 days...and I'm a little nervous about it.

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Last year, Thanksgiving put life into perspective.

Last year, my father had a heart attack Thanksgiving morning and drove himself to the hospital.

Last year, my father almost died....but, he didn't.

After multiple surgeries, life support, and months of rehab, my father is alive, functional, and very much still a HUGE part of my life. Today, while I am thankful for the 'usual' stuff, I am totally giving thanks because my father lives, and walks, and sings!

I learned to appreciate the 'little' things in life.  With all we went through, I learned to love my sister, even more than I thought I ever could have loved her.

I also learned to grieve.  I lost my best friend, but I learned that if you love someone with all your heart, while they are here, and are thankful for them while they are with you, you can deal with their death so much easier and can even make wonderful things happen in their memory.  I am so thankful I had a best friend like her...and I am so glad I cherished her while she was here.  I am most thankful that I am able to continue to spend time with her family and continue to grow with everything that she taught me.

...and of course, I learned that another Thanksgiving meant another year alive!

Today, I am celebrating life...and everything in it...and I am celebrating my love for our God....for without Him,  none of anything would be possible.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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I can focus on the positive...

Ok, so as if my post yesterday didn't reflect enough confusion...I am even more confused today.

My biggest fear in life is losing a child.  My heart truly breaks for those who have lost children.  My heart is breaking now for someone I know who just lost a child.

My heart is breaking all over the place and I just can't figure some things out.

However, for roughly the last 24 hours, I have had spent time with the youngest daughter of my dearly, loved best friend who passed away...and the time I have spent with her has been so amazing.  We looked at pictures, some of which had her mom in them and some of which were actually taken by her mom.  She didn't cry at all...she actually smiled quite a few times as we reminisced...all the while, I tried my best to hold back tears.

So, today, I am going to focus on the smile of a child who lost her mother just 8 months ago...for, if she can smile today, then I should, too...though, in times like this, it's definitely hard to do.

Today, I accept that I can't understand or fix everything...but, I can try my hardest to focus on the positive, which today, happens to be the smile of a beautiful 8 year old girl.

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I just...don't get it.

Life, that is.

I don't get why some women can have children without even really trying, only to abandon them by not wanting to love, nurture or guide them through life.

I don't get how a mother, who loved her children with all her heart, could be tragically taken away from her family due to an awful accident.

I don't get how a woman, who desires to be a mother so badly, can't bear children on her own....despite trying with all her might.

I am not angry, or mad...I am just confused and hurt.

I would have given anything to have had a mother that wanted to love, nurture and guide me through life...I would have loved to have mother like Beth or SIF...I just don't get why things happen the way that they do...but, I pray that one day I will be at peace with it.

For now, I just don't get it...

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Happy Halloween...and Happy Blog-o-versary!

General Information

10,955 - The # of times in the last year my blog has been viewed (probably by myself more than anyone else, but hey)

118 - Number of posts I have written in the last year

100% - My level of satisfaction with the time I have spent on my blog and the fact that I have kept it 'alive' for one whole year even through the busiest times of my life...and also with people I have 'met' along the way...people who I have learned to care deeply about since I began this blogging journey.

Initially, I started this blog to keep in touch with friends and family...never did I expect that I would meet so many of you who I respect and admire so deeply.  Your stories, every one of them, continue to touch my own life on regular basis.  The following are three people who I have deep respect and admiration for, and who have continued to show my little blog love along the way:

Angie, you are simply an amazing mother...your love for your daughters is beyond what I ever expected any mother could ever have for their children.  You are such an inspiration to me and I want you to know that.

SIF, you know I respect how honest and open you are about yourself.  You truly remind me that we all have our own stories and our own struggles in life.  You have also been here for me during some VERY hard times and I will always cherish your friendship.  I know you will make an amazing mother.

Deborah, you have no idea how much I appreciate your story.  I can't begin to tell you how much I admire your willingness to make changes in your life that my own mother has never made.  Your daughters are so blessed to have you as their mommy.

There are so many more of you like these three women and I hope you continue sharing your stories...each of us has a story to tell...and our blogs should always be a reflection of who we are.

Here's to my first year blogging!!!

Oh, and Happy Halloween!!!!

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Happy Birthday, Baby Boy!!!!!!

It seems like just yesterday that my son was born.

Truth be told, I learned more from my son in his first week of life than I have ever learned as a parent.

When he was born, he had fluid on his lungs and was immediately put in the NICU.  For almost 7 long days, he stayed there...it was so hard not having my son with me during that time  It was insane.

In that week, I learned that through the toughest trials in life, you have to have faith, love and hope...and if you have those things, you will always find your way through even the darkest storm.

Today, we celebrate two wonderful years with our baby boy, who is now a healthy, handsome little guy.  I promise to spend every single moment of my life loving him.  

I feel so very blessed to have been trusted with such a precious life.

Happy Birthday, Baby Boy!!  I hope your cake tasted good!  Mommy loves you!!!

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Random Ramblings...

Sometimes, life comes at you rather quickly...over the last two years, life has had some very unexpected twists and turns.  I had a son in the NICU, while I was admitted to a different hospital with post partum pre eclampsia....then, one of my VERY close family members had a surgery with a scare of cancer...after that, my father had a heart attack Thanksgiving morning of last year, followed by another heart attack, a half dozen surgeries and almost 2 weeks of life support....my precious, dearly loved, cherished best friend, Beth passed away...as did Joe's grandma, who raised him from a wee babe...to tell the truth, it just hasn't seemed to end...although, despite it all, I feel as if I have been so resilient the last two years, I have somehow remained so strong.

Just in the last few weeks, I had another life changer which has required adjusting to an even newer normal.  Let me preface this by saying that I completely understand most people have jobs that change every so often...but, for me, I have been with the same company since my Junior year in college (almost 8 years).  Until very recently, I have also had the same boss.  Well, that changed a few weeks ago...and with that, so did my work load and responsibility.  See, I don't want to go into too much detail, but, let's just say, one blog post a month is about all I can find time to do right now.   I am just...too...busy with work.

However, I am excited to announce my littlest babe, my boy, will turn two next week...yes, in one week, I will celebrate two wonderful years with my son...however, I will look back on two years of life coming at me unexpectedly and also celebrate my ability to stay strong during some very hard times...and, I will celebrate one year of blogging.

In one week, my boy will be TWO and my blog will be ONE...wow!  Where does the time go??

I promise, I will post at least one blog post next Friday...even if it is just one picture of my boy blowing out his candles...this was the first picture EVER posted on this blog...almost 1 year ago:

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30 Pints...

I am always impressed when people choose to give of themselves so selflessly.

When people donate blood...they are saving lives while expecting nothing in return except for a few sugary snacks and some soda.

When people donate blood...they are saving lives of people whom they have never met.

When people donate blood...someone, somewhere will appreciate that person whom they have never, ever met.

When I donate blood...I feel amazing knowing that I, alone, helped to save up to 3 lives.

When we held our blood drive Thursday night in Memory of our Dearest, Beloved, Beth Kearse...we raised over 30 pints of blood.

When we held our blood drive...we potentially saved 90 lives.

I am so proud of our girls, our community and our parents....without this group, without Beth choosing to do this last year...none of this would have been possible.

Thanks to EVERYONE who came out in support of our blood drive.  You guys truly ROCK!!!!

By the way, our troop is going to sponsor this drive every year from here on out...I can't help but think if we do this every year, in 10 years we can save at least 900 lives.  What an awesome feeling!

Oh, and if you aren't local, please consider donating your blood today at a local blood drive.

Thanks and I hope everyone has a GREAT weekend!

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Envy and Guilt!!

A few weeks ago, Eva failed her vision screening (she was 20/30, 20/40 and 20/50) during her physical.

She finally got in to see vision doctor today (I think it was called an optometrist)....and well, she failed her eye exam.

So, she gets glasses...she is far sighted, but it is bad enough that she will still need to wear glasses all the time for now...maybe forever...and I am a little envious.

I must admit, I faked an eye exam when I was 11 because I wanted glasses so badly (I wanted to not only BE smart, but LOOK smart, too).  I was diagnosed as being far sighted, and I probably am a little bit, but man, I really pretended like I couldn't focus when I read.  I got a nice pair of glasses that I was supposed to wear when I read...I looked so smart...but, they were so strong that when I wore them, I had to really focus hard and I would get a seriously bad headache.  So, needless to say, I did a lot of homework in my room so that my father wouldn't ask why I wasn't wearing my glasses.

Fortunately, Eva is super happy about it...we ordered her a nice pink pair of glasses (which will be ready next week just in time for school) and bought her a princess case for them (which she brought home today).

At least my baby will see now..not that I had ever realized she couldn't see before.  I had no clue!  So, aside from being a little jealous that she gets to wear glasses, I also feel a little bad that I never realized she needed them.

Well, I guess I will get over it...both the envy and the guilt.  :)

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A Guest Post...Revisited

So, after a long night of ups and downs, highs and lows, and then more lows, I felt the need to express, again, my undying loyalty to my most favorite football team, the Redskins.


As the regular season approaches, and we are still seeing double digit losses, I felt the need to remind everyone why, exactly, I love the REDSKINS!


I did this gues post a few months ago over at Ian's blog, so I thought I would post it here...now that we have had our first official loss of the pre season:

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The Story Behind a True Fan

I am sure most of you have birth stories of your own you like to tell…most of which are probably stories of how your own children were born.

Me, I like to tell me own birth story (narcissistic any?)…it is a story that contains deep ties to a life long commitment of trust, loyalty, and undying love.

Here it is…in a very big nutshell…

It was September 1979…my mother was 2 weeks over due with her second child, me.

Miserable, hugely overweight, swollen, and, more than likely in her worst mood ever, my mother decided, being the avid ‘Skins fan she is, to spend her Sunday afternoon watching the Redskins first season game versus the Houston Oilers.

Obviously, I don’t recall exactly how the game went (after all, I wasn’t even born yet), but I know the Redskins were leading by a point or two in the last few minutes of the game….apparently, Houston scored a last minute field goal to take the lead.

In that moment, my mother jumped up out of anger and disappointment.  When she hit the ground on her way back down her water broke…I was born the next day, following the Redskins first loss of the season.

Now, without going into too much detail, let’s just say my mother isn’t the ‘most pleasant person’ to be around…So, along with a lifetime of traditions, there is one thing Redskin’s losses have done for me…I credit this particular ‘Skins loss with getting me ‘the hell up out my mamma!”  So, I don’t mind them losing…consistently…or, that they haven’t led their division since my first child was born, in 1999.  That’s all OK…and I still consider myself a true fan.

With that, you have the realest, most genuine reasoning behind being a true, die hard Redskins fan…win or lose (preferably lose)!

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So, see, win, lose, or whatever, I still love my Skins...now, I would love for them to give me FREE season tickets for my story...seriously!  I think it's worth the publicity I give them!  :)

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